For the past few days, I've been spending most of my hours in front of the computer crying over something I should not even cry about. I guess it's something I got from my late grandmother. We both get so affected with the dramas that we watch that most of the times we get overwhelmed with what we are watching.
I've been glued to my seat because I couldn't bear a second away from what I'm watching knowing I haven't finished the whole drama. My mom has been complaining the whole time, saying I shouldn't be using the computer for that long. She even says I'm foolish for wasting my time on watching this drama and that I'm wasting even more time crying because of it.
I'm not really planning on giving a spoiler on the Taiwanese Drama that I have recently watched because I'd rather you go and watch it yourself. The drama is called Silence (also known as Shen Qing Mi Ma) and stars the dreamy Vic Zhou from F4 (who once played Hua Ze Lei in another Taiwanese Drama called Meteor Garden) and Park Eun Hye.
Now, what could have been the reason for the tears? Even I'm not certain about that, to tell you the truth. At first I thought I was using it as an excuse to not let my family know of something that has occured to me recently. This something, I don't even know what to call it. It's not really a "break up" because we were never really an official couple. It's not also a "parting of ways" because we still talk to each other. If there could be something to describe it, I guess it's just a realization that all we can ever be are just friends. I'm not saying I didn't love him. I did. I know it in my heart. But there was just this gut feeling that it might not work out the way I would have expected it to work out. So when I got those words from him, I didn't know how to react. I didn't know what to tell him. But the weirdest thing was, I didn't cry.
So while I was watching Silence the past three days, that's when the tears came pouring out. It all felt like everything happened at the right place at the right time. After a realization came another realization. It's quite different from what I felt when I watched A Walk to Remember because watching this drama gave a deeper meaning in living the life the best you could while you can.
On June 9th, I'll be celebrating my 17th birthday (while Vic Zhou celebrates his 27th birthday.) It would be another chapter in my life and I don't want to spend it lazily. On that week, I plan on spending my time with the people I love.Tell them and show them how much important they are to me. I want to spend that week as it was my last three months to live—as if it was my last chance to be able to show my love and affection to these people.
In a world that I seldom understand, I feel it's important not to let every single thing just pass you by. You have to let it all in and dig deeper because those of us who still have a chance to live for another day should not have any regrets. We should try to find our way whenever the paths we cross get foggy.
You got into a car already knowing where it's heading, but not really knowing the things that will happen on this journey or how far the trip will be. I suspect, is it because this trip is too smooth? No red traffic lights, no traffic jam. That is why I arrive at the destination earlier than others. However, there is no more time to think about it. I, who is unable to control the speed and rushing towards the finish line, can only hope that before reaching the destination, I fulfill all my promises. No regrets.
-Qi WeiYi
I am still shaken with what I have just finished watching, but I did not regret watching it even though at night I find it hard to sleep because it's all I can think about. I don't regret it at all because it showed me how I was supposed to spend my life.
But it wasn't only the drama that changed my views. It wasn't only the drama that made me want to live my life happily. Apart from Silence, you (who happen to be the person I talked about on the fourth paragraph of this blog entry) have made me want to be happy. I won't be telling everything here because I hope to talk to you in person and give you what amounts to be the biggest thank you I've ever given anyone.
PS: Please listen to the song. It's actually calming to hear. ^____________^
In a world that I seldom understand, I feel it's important not to let every single thing just pass you by. You have to let it all in and dig deeper because those of us who still have a chance to live for another day should not have any regrets. We should try to find our way whenever the paths we cross get foggy.